Don't mention the war!

My roommate and I hosted a German girl for a few days this week. She was visiting a friend of Sarah Jo's and gamely camped out in our living room in between visits to the Bass Pro Shop, New Orleans and the local Waffle House. Kat was very cool, fascinating to listen to, and I wish I could've gotten to talk more with her. She was so cool, in fact, that my awkwardness was all the more funny in comparison.

Yesterday evening we were sitting around the dining room table talking. Somehow the topic turned to Americans' perception of European women as not shaving their legs. "Oh no!" she exclaimed. "That's not true! Some older women, perhaps, but most younger people do. See!" she said, offering her own legs as proof. We wondered how the custom came into general practice, and I mused that it was probably during World War II, when there was a nylon shortage. American women shaved their legs and drew lines down the back to fake the look of nylon stockings. Halfway though my explanation, I thought, "Oh no! Don't mention the war!" and remembered the most popular episode of the BBC's most popular sitcom: Fawlty Towers "The Germans."

Basil Fawlty, played to perfection by John Cleese, warns everyone at the inn not to mention "the war" when he hears that a party of Germans will be coming to stay. After a head injury (my memory is fuzzy on just how he got hurt—was it a falling moose head?), Basil escapes the hospital with a head bandage that makes him look even crazier than usual. He then proceeds to break his own instructions, mentioning the war at every opportunity and upsetting his guests greatly. When they ask him to stop dwelling on it, he politely reminds them that they started it. “We did not start it,” protests the German. “Yes you did, you invaded Poland,” Basil replies. He ultimately winds up goose-stepping around the dining room, finger held to his nose and long legs flailing, in the funniest impersonation of Hitler on televsion.

All this flashed through my mind while I sat at the dining room table with Kat. "Augh! The one thing you shouldn't mention to a German, and you brought it up!" I thought. The conversation moved on, and nothing else eventful happened. Was it awkward? Yes. Was it funny? Oh, yeah.

Friends? I'll give you friends!

The Wonder Years is the first TV show ever to make me consider piracy. I grew up watching it with my family from beginning to end, and it holds a fond place in my heart today. I even remember watching the second episode in Clio, Alabama—my parents crying from laughing so hard at Coach Cutlip attempting to explain the facts of life to his gym class. The fans have been waiting, but Fox has yet to release The Wonder Years on DVD, and—as this article reveals—it won’t be coming out any time soon. This is due to complications with copyrights the extensive soundtrack is bound to produce.

Realistically, we can’t expect the episodes as we saw them on TV to be released on DVD without some music substitutions, but for those of us who remember songs tied directly with scenes from the show, this isn’t a satisfying solution. The Denver Post article refers to a scene my brother and I distinctly remember: Kevin climbs a tree outside Winnie’s window to look in on her after she’s been in an accident, while Bob Seger sings “We’ve Got Tonight.” Would this scene be the same without him crooning “I know it’s late/I know you’re weary/I know you’re plans don’t include me”? Certainly not! Or the summer party when it dawns on Kevin that the reason Winnie’s been acting strangely is that her parents are on the verge of splitting apart. “Are you going to Scarborough Fair?” Simon & Garfunkel softly ask, and Daniel Stern narrates, “That summer Winnie Cooper struggled to keep her head above water.” And what would The Wonder Years be without its unofficial theme song, “When A Man Loves a Woman”?

Then there are the moments that stick out in your memory, but you don’t know who was singing the song. When this happens, I turn to The Wonder Years Music Guide, as detailed a report as any OCD fan could ask for. When I think of waiting years for patched up set of episodes with replaced music, I recall a quote from Edward Ferrars in Sense and Sensibility: "Perhaps Margaret is right. Piracy is our only option."

EDIT 1: Edited for accuracy! 8/10
EDIT 2: Watch the ending of "The Accident" on YouTube.

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

Last night I finished reading a fascinating book about Gilbert and Sullivan, whose comic operas were all the rage in the late 19th century. William S. Gilbert wrote the libretto and Arthur Sullivan composed the music for over a dozen operettas. The best known are The Mikado, H.M.S. Pinafore and The Pirates of Penzance, from which my blog title comes. I've loved Gilbert and Sullivan since I first saw a performance of Pirates at USM as a kid, so it was very interesting to get a behind-the-scenes look at life in Victorian England, particularly the business of entertaining. Gilbert's sharp wit and Sullivan's rousing scores complimented each other so well.

In 1878 Sullivan’s airs were heard everywhere, and Gilbert’s jokes were repeated like Napoleon Dynamite quotes. One of the best known comes from Captain Corcoran of the Pinafore:

CAPT. Bad language or abuse,
I never, never use,
Whatever the emergency;
Though "Bother it" I may
Occasionally say,
I never use a big, big D—
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. No, never!
ALL. What, never?
CAPT. Hardly ever!
ALL. Hardly ever swears a big, big D—
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the well-bred Captain of the Pinafore!

Gilbert & Sullivan and Their Victorian World says that “What, never?” “Hardly ever!” was repeated so much that the editor of a paper in which it appeared about a dozen times in a single issue roared at his writers that he never wanted to see that joke in print again. “What, never?” they replied. “Hardly ever,” he answered helplessly. You can hear a sample of the song at the Gilbert & Sullivan Archive.

If you get a chance to see a G&S performance, don't miss it! Meanwhile, here is a self-portrait Gilbert—who was known for his volatile temper and verbal barbs—made as a gift for a child. Each confession is signed "W.S. Gilbert."

I hate my fellow-man.
Everybody is an ass.
I am an overbearing beast.
I loathe everybody.
I love to bully.
I am an ill-tempered prig, & I glory in it.
Confound everything.
I like pinching little babies.

"Books...are like lobster shells..."

"...we surround ourselves with 'em, then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as evidence of our earlier stages of development." The title quote is from Lord Peter Wimsey in Dorothy Sayers's The Unpleasantness at the Bellona Club. I’ve been tagged by Micah.

1. One book that changed your life: The Enemy Within by Kris Lundgaard
2. One book that you've read more than once: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (what a heroine!)
3. One book you'd want on a desert island: (besides the Bible) The Lord of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
4. One book that made you laugh: Revenge of the Baby Sat by Bill Watterson (I know it’s a comic strip, but really—is there anything funnier than Calvin and Hobbes?)
5. One book that made you cry: Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (I am not proud of this fact.)
6. One book that you wish had been written: Time, Dirt and Money by Olive Ann Burns (the unfinished sequel to Cold Sassy Tree. She died before it could be completed.)
7. One book that you wish had never been written: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
8. One book you're currently reading: Gilbert & Sullivan and Their Victorian World by Christopher Hibbert
9. One book you've been meaning to read: Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton
10. Tag somebody: Paula

Good music comes to Jackson

Matthew Perryman Jones played at Hal & Mal's Thursday night, and I was privileged to hear him and his excellent band. I was familiar with Matthew through his contributions to the Indelible Grace albums and his membership in the Square Peg Alliance, so I was excited to hear that he was coming to Jackson. Former Normals member Cason Cooley joined him on keyboard along with a (as yet unidentified) drummer and bass player. Matthew played songs from his new album Throwing Punches In The Dark, from which you can hear a few songs here. When the last notes of every song sounded, I thought, “Oh, no—keep going!” I guess it’s good to leave your audience wanting more, but it felt more like a appetizer of MPJ (is that just too Jonathan Taylor Thomas to abbreviate?) than a full meal. Derek Webb was right when he described Matthew’s voice as “mysterious and earnest.” Mysterious indeed, and it intrigued at least this listener. Does anyone else think he looks like "Jesus" in this photo? (He didn't in person.)

"When I decide to woo a woman I won't be single."

Everybody's talkin' about it! David Hogue and Guitta Chaiban got married this weekend, surrounded by beautiful flowers, scrumptious food and drink, lovely hymns and—best of all—dear friends. When the Louisiana Hogues and Lebanese Chaibans meet, much fun ensues. I agree with Paula and Nathan; it was probably the most fun wedding reception I’ve ever attended. I love that we can have a worship service glorifying the Lord and thanking him for bringing these two together, and then have a party complete with Lebanese dancing.

One of my favorite moments from the night was just after David and Guitta pulled away in their limo. We were all standing around in the parking lot when someone’s car alarm started going off. In seconds, Guitta’s family were clapping on the off beat of the alarm and dancing in the parking lot. It was amazing.

I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.

The Baby Name Wizard is a fun place to be if you’ve got some time to kill and have a curious mind. Type in any name, and the pink and/or blue graphs will indicate its usage per million babies as well as its overall ranking from the 1880s to the present.

I enjoy analyzing the data. What are the general trends? I’ve noticed that A names are rising in popularity. Names beginning in B remain consistent. C names for boys are on the up while names for girls are moving down. D and F names are on the downward slope. E name for both sexes were huge in the late 19th and early 20th century, and have experienced a spike upward recently. And so on and so forth.

Some names shot to the top from out of nowhere: Jason, Heather, Ethan and Jennifer—if you’re my age you probably had at least two Jennifers in your class. Some quickly fell out of favor: Barbara, Robin and…Kanye. I’m also surprised to see many names I think of only as girl names were used for boys between the 1880s and 1930s—in small numbers, mind you. But whoever heard of a boy named Doris? True to Shel Silverstein’s song, the Baby Name Wizard reports “The name SUE was not in the top 1.000 boys’ names in any decade.” Shirley for boys dropped out of the top 1,000 in the thirty years between 1930 and 1960. Paula and Tuan, I don’t know if you’ll be glad or not to know that John is at it’s lowest point ever at number 18 in 2005.

We might be surprised at some names making a comeback. Believe it or not, Hazel is on the upswing. Sonny has had a rocky history and Westley is very mysterious. Did The Princess Bride bring it out of obscurity in the 1980s? I’m pleased to note that most of my personal favorites—the ones I’m hoping to use someday—are on the low end of the popularity scale. Sure, every kid wants a spellable, pronounceable name, but who wants to be one of three Emilys in her third grade class? Maybe that's a bit reverse snobbish of me.

How does your name place? Were you named as part of a trend, or were your parents rebels?

It is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made you.

These are words that no girl wants to hear: "You'd be perfect for Mr. Collins." I grinned with glee when I came across these BBC Pride and Prejudice quizzes yesterday, but my face soon fell when the results were tabulated. My perfect match is MR. COLLINS? Every feeling revolts! Never mind that I have the creepy wave practiced to perfection. That doesn't mean I want someone waving at me that way. Everyone knows he's the silliest man in all of England. So what prompted the BBC to come to this conclusion? I'm afraid it was my answer to this question: What does your ideal man write in his Valentine card? I answered "He doesn't give one," because I am not a big fan of Valentine's Day (we'll save the reasons why for another post). But just because I don't like Valentine's Day doesn't mean I would like Mr. Collins!

Besides, I have another reason for believing we would not go well together. It seems I am most like Lizzie, and as she said herself, "You could not make me happy, and I am convinced I am the last woman in the world who could make you so." What a relief!

So, dear readers, what are your quiz results?

Do my Irishmen come cheaper by the dozen?

I’ve discovered that part of the joy of rereading favorite childhood books based on real-life events is finding out more about the “true story.” What did Pa and Ma and Laura and Mary Ingalls really look like? The internet has made this kind of information much easier to find. Just do a Google image search and you’ll see that Pa really did have wild hair. (Ignore the Michael Landon pictures.)

Tonight I will finish Cheaper By the Dozen, another “based on a true story” book. My best friend Paula and I loved this story when we were growing up, so reading it makes me think of her. Frank and Lillian Gilbreth raise a family of 12 children, employing themselves as guinea pigs in motion study and efficiency. Mr. Gilbreth’s irrepressible sense of humor is unforgettable, and the book is still funny.

This time through, I realized just how intelligent and influential in the world of engineering both Mr. and Mrs. Gilbreth were. Google their names and you’ll find articles about their contributions to motion study. I get the idea that much of what we take for granted about how things work today is due to theirs and others work. That garbage can with a foot pedal, for example…

I found that Daniel Gilbreth, the fourth of the six sons, died at age 88 last week. Ernestine, Fred and Bob are the remaining three of The Dozen. The picture above shows them at The Shoe, their summer home in Nantucket, which was made from two lighthouses that were moved to flank another house.

I’ve been told that once you have three children, they take up all your time anyway, so why stop there?

Martha, Martha

In Brian Habig’s final message at RUF Summer Conference, he read this quote from a book called Between Walden and the Whirlwind by Jean M. Fleming.

In the twenty-some years I’ve been a Christian, I’ve received instruction on and been challenged to read my Bible daily, pray without ceasing, do in-depth Bible study regularly, memorize scripture, meditate day and night, fellowship with other believers, always be ready to give an answer to the questioning unbeliever, give to missions and to the poor, work as unto the Lord, use my time judiciously, give thanks in all circumstances, serve the body using my gifts to edify others, keep a clean house as a testimony, practice gracious hospitality, submit to my husband, love and train my children, disciple other women, manage finances as a good steward, involve myself in school and community activities, develop and maintain non-Christian friendships, stimulate my mind with careful reading, improve my health through diet and exercise, color coordinate my wardrobe, watch my posture, and “simplify my life by baking my own bread.”

Those of us with perfectionist natures know just what she means. I have wondered the same thing many times (minus the husband and kids part): How in the world can I do all of this and do it well? It is easy to compare ourselves against the strengths of others and feel that we're not measuring up. Habig went on to preach on Jesus' visit to Mary and Martha's house in Luke 10. He pointed out something that I'd not thought of: how countercultural it was for Mary to sit at the rabbi's feet and learn from him. Meanwhile, Martha, who truly does believe Jesus is the Christ, is feeling the pressure to meet a standard of hospitality. But where did the pressure come from? Jesus didn't create it. It's in her own head, coming from a cultural expectation. The only thing that will make the voices of perfectionism stop, Brian Habig says, is knowing that all your doing put Jesus on the cross, and that the cloak of his righteousness is on you instead.

Listen to it here.

Slow summer

It seems that most of us are taking a summer vacation from blogging. I don't have anything insightful to say, but here's an update for my faithful readers (hey, Mama!).

While I was eating my blueberries and wheat chex outside this morning, a bug fell into my cereal bowl. That was a lot to deal with so early in the morning, but I managed to fish him out and deposit him in the trash.

I've been listening to Brian Habig's RUF Summer Conference messages on the iTunes podcast, which prompted me to make a library trip for Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O'Connor. Maybe Habig is a great speaker, or maybe he just knows how to pull from the best sources—either way, I've been enjoying these.

Last night I finished A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle and started Leaving Cold Sassy, the unfinished sequel to Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. Also in progress: Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar. My brother and I read these in elementary school, and it is a relief to discover that yes, they're still funny. As long as I keep reading from the children's section, I'll make my 50 Books A Year goal easy!

Four words: Addictive Sweet Potato Burritos. I first saw this recipe on indie/Indelible Grace musician Katy Bowser's website ages ago and have been making them ever since. Beans, sweet potatoes, and whole wheat tortillas—so much fiber goodness that there's cheese on top to keep things from getting out of hand. If you make them, use less water than it calls for and let me know if you use the prepared mustard, because I don’t even know what it is.

Andrew Osenga: The Morning

I've ordered my copy of The Morning. Have you?

Mother's Day

My dear friends Paula and Tuan welcomed their little (or not so little, at 8 lb., 11 oz.) man-child John Atticus yesterday afternoon. He's a handsome fellow, and all the family are doing well. I made some banana bread for the occasion. Everyone give the new parents your congratulations and read this essay on babies by G.K. Chesterton.

Jane Eyre is everywhere!

Did you know that no fewer than eighteen movie versions of Jane Eyre have been produced? According to IMDB, the first five were silent. A 1934 version saw Jane as a platinum blond, and in 1944 Joan Fontain and Orson Welles took on the roles of Jane and Mr. Rochester. Not much information is available about the 50's and 60's versions, but in 1970, George C. Scott played Rochester. This was followed by a BBC production in 1973.

Now, rumors abound on the discussion boards at Pemberley that this was the best version of all. However, no one seems to have actually seen it. It seems pretty sketchy to me to pin all our hopes on a BBC video from the 70's, but it has recently become available on DVD for the first time. So we shall see.

I have seen the 3 most recent versions: Franco Zeffirelli directed Charlotte Gainsbourg and William Hurt in 1996, and A&E produced a version the next year. Last night after the storm (there's nothing like ominous weather for a Bronte story) we watched the BBC's 1983 production. At first I thought "Oh, no. Four hours of atrocious sound quality and lighting design from The Young and The Restless." But Timothy Dalton and Zelah Clarke both delivered fine performances, and Jane Eyre is such an amazing story that I got caught up in it. At 4 hours, much of the dialogue is kept from the book, which makes me happy. Only occasionally did we say things like (as Jane and St. John walk by a stream), "Oh, no! We're not going to be able to hear them over the waterfall!"

Now I want to read the book again, and I'm looking forward to the new BBC adaptation currently in production. This one features Georgie Henley (Lucy in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe) as young Jane. The press release mentions "the visionary John Eshton." Just who that is, I'm sure I don't know.

Out of 18 adaptations, none seems to have arisen as the accepted definitive version. All the ones I've seen have different strengths and weaknesses. Do you have a favorite? Can there be too much Jane Eyre? The senior boys who teased me when I read the novel for fun in 11th grade would say so. But they were idiots.

I'm my own grandpa

Time for another New Music Tuesday! Asthmatic Kitty announced a while back that it would release the unused material from Sufjan Stevens's Illinois as The Avalanche: Outtakes and Extras from the Illinois Album! 4 of the tracks have since been leaked on the internet, and can be found various places (one is here).

I tracked them down after I saw unfamiliar track names on Sufjan's Last.fm page. Last.fm allows users to download a plugin that records music data from most media players. It catalogues everything and builds a music profile based on your listening habits. Neighbors are generated based on shared musical taste. This is a good system for finding new artists recommendations tailored to your past listening history. I started an account ages ago, didn't use it for a while, and had problems with data submission. Since I'd never liked my username (pseudonym27), I just decided to start over with a new account. It took about 400 tracks to generate neighbors, and I wondered if my old account would show up when they were created. Sure enough, pseudonym27 is HarrietVane's top neighbor. Too bad the only person with my musical taste is me.

So if you have an internet connection and listen to music on your computer, consider giving Last.fm a try.

No, no. Do not be a hero.

Apple has released a new series of ads: Why you'll love a Mac. Watch them here. Some of them are a little stupid, but "Viruses" and "Restarting" made me laugh. Does anyone else think the actors look somewhat like a young Bill Gates and much younger Steve Jobs?

I have no illusions about my looks. I think my face is funny.

On May 4, 1929 Audrey Hepburn was born as Audrey Kathleen Hepburn-Ruston in Brussels, Belgium. As a child during World War II, she assisted the resistance by conducting dance benefit concerts and carrying messages. Although she dreamed of being a dancer, discouragement from teachers directed her to pursue acting. She won an Academy Award for her first starring performance in Roman Holiday and went on to make such films as Sabrina, My Fair Lady, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. After retiring from acting, she became an ambassador for the United Nations Children’s Fund and died in 1993. She would have been 77 today. I am celebrating our shared birthday by practicing good posture, smiling graciously, speaking 6 languages, and cracking eggs with one hand. Or trying to, anyway.

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

In a recent survey by National Geographic, 48% of people between the ages of 18-24 surveyed couldn't locate the state of Mississippi on a map. One third of those surveyed couldn't identify Louisiana. Days after reading this, I'm still shocked. Even being smacked by a hurricane hasn't made the rest of the country aware of the South. The article goes on to outline plans to improve education in geography, but I'm not sure that's going to help. In my church's after school tutoring program I've been working with a 6th grader. One day we took a break from the times tables and played with a puzzle map of the United States. It had the different regions in colored blocks, and I thought it would be too easy for someone her age, but she had some trouble with it. I guess I shouldn't be, but I was surprised at how much she didn't know, and even more at how little she cared. As we moved on to labeling a blank map of the U.S., I uncomfortably realized how many states I was unsure of. I get confused in the Midwest, where everything is rectangular, and in the Northeast, where everything is so small and close together.

Although better education is necessary, the root of this problem of ignorance is that we just don't care. Most of us don't see the need to learn about things that (we think) don't concern us. Even as a I sat down to write this post, I had a hard time thinking of anything except myself, which brings to mind questions about the nature of blogs. It's easy to see how the worst become little shrines to self, the same way we tend to skip right to the supplication part of praying and forget the adoration, confession and thanksgiving. Ben and Caleb have been mulling over this some, and it's something I'm still thinking about. Meanwhile, I try not to begin posts with "Today I..."

In which we will never use any baking powder except Rollings Reliable

Domesticity abounded last night as I devoted an entire evening to making a layer cake. At 12, I kept my family well supplied with desserts, but those days have long been gone. So it was with some excitement and trepidation that I made a careful search for a recipe with just the right balance between easy and challenging—no cake mixes, but no candy thermometers either. I finally settled on "Louella's Coconut Cake" from The Mitford Cookbook. Martha McIntosh, the editor, grew up in Mt. Olive as well, and I know she is a cook to be trusted. The whole process took about 5 hours, but before you dismiss me as completely crazy, bear in mind that this included a lot of time warming (eggs and butter to room temperature) and cooling (cake layers) and a trip to the grocery store for 8 more ounces of sour cream, as well as breaks for supper and to read The Fellowship of the Ring. The result? A gooey mound of sugar, coconut and various dairy products that will probably send us all into diabetic comas. So I plan to serve it with ice cream to cut the sweetness.

I would like you to dance (birthday)

Twenty-three years ago today a legend was born. When Mr. and Mrs. Benson found a baby boy in their handbag after leaving the cloak room at a Clinton, Mississippi train station, they little knew how young Nathan—as they came to call him—would change theirs and other lives. Early exploits included watching cartoons and letting his imagination run away with him. Nathan later came to be known for roles such as “Great Uncle Bob,” “Kermit the Frog,” and “Cedric Diggory.” He now divides his time between Hinds and Belhaven, where he lives with his two roommates and a large pink bear.